I don't care where, just far

11:45, 12:03, 1:15, almost time, dread rises up inside and sticks in my throat as if someone cut it from the inside. Ten minutes warp into an hour; it’s here, everything off, stand up, fake a smile. I push my way through bits of lingering conversation, children talking about Christmas presents. I looked over to see where you were, I lose myself, transfixed by the way your mouth moves, it’s like there is no one else in the room right now. I’m guarding Kronos , I laugh, me guarding the king of heaven, father titan, 1:30, reluctantly he lets me pass.

I crash through the door and quick step to the double door, the slender handle greets me, cold, always cold. I round the corner and try and really get my feet under me.

“Wait up”

My back to you, my eyes close for a moment. A crooked beautiful smile at the corner of your mouth, I should have ignored it, kept going. You’re losing parts of your armor Brandon, you don’t even know her. I stopped in the hall, it was glaring white bathed in scuff marks and harsh halogen. I remember you walking towards me, one moment you were an unfocused image, blurred. A few heartbeats later there you were, God I wanted to look away, the freckles over your nose displayed like some beautiful unknown constellation.

What are you reading?

I don’t really remember what I told you, at that moment I didn’t care. Every time your eyes would find mine I forgot myself.

I’m sitting in my car asking if it’s time to go yet. Click once, click twice, finally the car catches and fires up. My timing has always been off, no time for that though huh? 103.1 thankfully comes in, I enter the maze that leads me back to my house.

It feels like the beginning again, I’m always amazed how much solitude there can be in Los Angeles, I guess you have to look for it. I’ve crossed over Sepulveda; my throat gets a little dry, just a passenger on this poisonous concrete snake. I really don’t want to go home, but there is nowhere to go, I stop off at the 7/11, maybe I’ll throw a pity party tonight, seems appropriate.

I’m home, I remember closing the door and resting against it for a moment. 2:21, 3:33, 5:05. How long have I laid here? I feel for a pulse on my neck, I ‘m asleep.

Le Sigh

Wow, two years, I still feel you everyday, your beautiful face framed in dark hair and glasses. I thought about you strongly the other day, for obvious reasons. Where are we? Gone, darkened, the breath left and I looked over my shoulder one last time. Francis place, the balcony with all your plants you loved to take care of, my life a thousand years ago. Sitting in Minkis, the passenger side radiator leaked all over my feet, driving around a city that was foreign, Namos.....sitting at Norms every Friday. How you loved me when I was in bad place,

I know when your home
I was thinking about you
their was something i forgot to say

they were playing our song
crying on a saturday night

you go viscously, quietly away

so lonely without you.

I wish you would just leave
your presence still lingers...

Fuck this place, there's no one here but us mice anyway.

I'm digging my way...

I’m pressing my face against a slowly crumbling, yet unseen barrier, my eyes closed, while the headphones crank out this hypnotic beat soldiering on repeat.

This weather is invoking of familiar times, thought to be archaic, and built upon a foundation of sleeping pills. I cannot help but give into the song and wait to fall asleep. I am enveloped in soft death, sweetened with the choicest of poisons that only the best prescriptions can supply.

Laughable red sounds and warm blue visions coat the street in destruction, while I m running from the immovable. Crossing bearing servants, saturated with holy bliss, unmindful of the impending sky rapidly falling about them in minute sparks, dyeing in fiery smiles.

Hopeless is mans ambition underwater, climb elsewhere until feathers become dry and the fear of descent is but a shadowy illumination etched upon non comprehension.

Hollow concerns shake sublime convictions, look at what you steal, digression into obsession, nothing can be truly known.

Destroy everything you touch, this day, please destroy me this way, everything you touch.

Where the river flows

I 'm so lonely right now. I feel broken, and i don't feel like I am strong enough...I miss your face, our ways that only we knew about, I wanted to be more for you, I am now...but it doesnt matter...

We are on the other side of the chasm from each other.

I m broken when I'm lonesome.

Sometimes I just clench my fists and bite down until I taste blood.

Your gone away, fuck I'm stupid

Fuck